This year I passed a billion seconds of time, and I'm feeling this fervency for each second that will come. I don't want to waste anything. I want to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. And in the words of my favorite Jess Ray song: may I learn to hold God's gifts "with a loose grip." This year has held the second time I have experienced grief in my life. And eight years later, I hope I am finding more of "the secret of living" that it "is learning to lay down and die." |
a deeper knowledge of God's goodness.
And even in these recent days, I have found there is a newness in this awesomeness of the goodness of God. I can hardly think of the cross--Jesus's life given--without crying. Oh, how great is he to give everything--even if--he may not be loved in return. Oh, what love is this. This love that is sacrifice and without manipulation. 32 years, and I wonder: have I learned it yet? I think not. But I also wonder if this grief has been teaching me. Teaching me to love the Lord my God first. To be satisfied with him--even if--yes, even if my nightmares come true and some of those I love die--the ones I would gladly die for if it meant they find the secret of life. "The secret of Living."It is to not hold fear as your loyal friend. It's to let it go because you've tasted blessing that is not contingent on things...or people. |
"His blessing is more."
Teach me, Lord, to love. Teach me to love You. Because "if I live my days to love people, I will be disappointed.*" Because the one appointment that will be there--and not canceled--it is the one in God's house. My hope in him will never disappoint.
Philippians 3:13-14
All bold and purple quotes are from Jess Ray's song "One and Only."